TEXT: 佘宗明
PHOTO: HANAYO

我從來都不後悔，因為後悔從形而下的觀點去看是不存在的，是沒有任何意義的，就正如永遠無法到達靶的箭一樣，後悔不會讓任何事情改變，它不能像電腦鍵盤上的undo一樣讓已發生的事情還原，後悔是一點也不鹹的鹽，是一點也不能震動空氣的鼓聲，是無法感動別人的詩句，再用力去後悔也於事無補，再後悔多少遍也徒然。

Yesterday when I was young
the taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue.
I teased at life as if it were a foolish game,
the way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame.
The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned
I always built to last on weak and shifting sand.
I lived by night and shunned the naked light of the day
and only now I see how the years ran away.

我無時無刻都後悔，不管我如何深思熟慮，不管我如何反覆思量，不管我做的決定再怎麼正確不過也好，後悔都像影子一樣緊隨其後，像事物的倒影一樣無可避免地出現在面前的鏡子裡，反映出事情的其他可能性。假如我不乘慣乘的電車，轉走平常不會走的路，人生會否從此就不一樣呢？假如我今天早上喝的是沒有喝到的冰茶，假如那天我沒有遇上你，假如那天沒有雨，假如那天風沒有吹，假如我根本沒有活……

Yesterday when I was young
so many many songs were waiting to be sung,
so many wild pleasures lay in store for me
and so much pain my eyes refused to see.
I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think what life was all about
and every conversation that I can now recall
concerned itself with me and nothing else at all.

青春永遠是過去式的，每次都是以過去的形式出現--在我以前年輕的時候。我就從來未聽人說過--在我將來青春的時候，或正當我現在很青春的時候。青春永遠以背面示人，是夕陽時分懷想起的艷陽，是剛離開的身影，是捉不到的氣味，是餘溫，是回憶……是在我還年輕的時候。

The game of love I played with arrogance and pride
and every flame I lit too quickly quickly died.
The friends I made somehow they seemed to slip away
and only I am left alone to end the play.
There are so many songs in me that won't be sung,
I feel the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue.
The time has come for me to pay for yesterday when I was young.

青春其實從來都不曾屬於年輕人，青春是屬於老人家的。青春跟後悔是老人家最心愛的兩件玩意，老人家一面享受著懷念青春的哀愁，一面正陶醉於源源不絕的後悔之中，簡直樂透死了。所以我有很多青春，因為從很早以前，我已經垂垂老矣；因為在我還咬著奶嘴的時候，我已經老氣橫秋；在我還啜著汽水糖的時候，我已經愁眉深鎖；在我還未初中畢業的時候，我已經開始懷念青春；在我還未做任何事情之前，我已經後悔不已。